What (Most) Pastors Need

G. I. Williamson

Extracted from Ordained Servant vol. 5, no. 2 (April 1996).


If you want to live a long life—it’s often said today—you need to pick the right ancestors. The trouble is, of course, that we have no choice in this matter. It’s not this way, however, with something else of the greatest importance. I speak of the wife of a pastor. And it is my hope that what I write here will be seriously considered by younger men who are considering the ministry of the word of God as their calling.

No man should even think of entering the ministry if he can do something else. I mean, if he can enter into some other line of work with a clear conscience then I urge him to do so. I say this because I’m convinced that every pastor called of God should feel strongly what the Apostle Paul felt when he said “necessity is laid upon me, yes, woe is me if I do not preach the gospel!” (I Cor. 9:16). It’s easy enough to start out in the ministry without this sense of divine compulsion—plenty of men have done so—but it’s not so easy to persevere in the ministry when difficulties arise. A man who is faithful in declaring the whole counsel of God, today, will surely face opposition. And when it happens it is of the utmost importance to know that God is the one who requires you to stick with it.

It is also right here, in my humble opinion, that this vital concern comes into the picture. I speak of the choice of a wife. There’s hardly any decision a man called to the ministry will ever make that rivals this in importance. And here let me say that I fully agree with the wise words of Professor Jay Adams concerning a pastor’s wife. “Watch out for questions like” these, he says, “‘Does your wife play the organ?’ or ‘Can your wife teach?’” For, as Dr. Adams rightly says, “her first task is to be his wife; secondly, to be the mother of his children; thirdly, to be a good member of the congregation. Beyond that, she should neither be expected to occupy nor should she expect any special place in the congregation” (Shepherding God’s Flock, p. 64). In a footnote he laments the fact that many wives “relish the unbiblical role of P.W.” as if it was some sort of ecclesiastical office, whereas Paul speaks of a minister’s wife as “a sister (a believing member of the congregation) who is a wife” (I Cor. 9:5).

In most cases a minister will need a wife, and—if such be the case—a wife who sees it as her calling to help him. A wife seeking status for herself will weaken his ministry. The very fact that a minister’s wife is well educated, talented and ambitious to “use her gifts” can turn out to be counterproductive. This is not said with any intent to belittle gifts that the Lord has given, or even to suggest that they should never be used. The concern here is for a proper attitude. A wife who has a quiet and submissive demeanor—willing to remain in the background—will be the source of strength and encouragement that her husband needs when things become difficult.

In looking for this “good thing” (Prov. 18:22) then, let me offer a few suggestions. Look first of all for her commitment to the authority of Christ and the Bible. Her commitment to you will never be enough without, first of all, commitment to him. The Scripture says those who are faithful in little things can also be trusted in big ones. It’s important, then, to evaluate little things in terms of this principle: submission to God’s authority. Closely related is her life-dominating motive. Is it to glorify God and enjoy him forever or something less than this? No one is perfect, of course, but if this is the dominating concern of your life—and it surely ought to be if you seek ministry—then you will need a wife who has the same life dominating concern.

Examples come readily to mind to illustrate what I am saying. Think of a minister who is very impressive in the pulpit and also quite orthodox. He begins his ministry in one of the small denominations that still holds to the Reformed faith as a corporate body. His wife is attractive, talented and cultured. She soon finds life in a small denomination too socially unfulfilling. Is it surprising then that, in the end, her husband ends his ministry in one of the large Modernistic churches?

But think also of another scenario. Here is a young minister in a denomination losing its hold on the truth. He comes to see this, more and more clearly, and his wife comes to see it too. But because of her commitment to the Bible—and her foundational desire to seek God’s glory—she encourages him to stand for the truth and do the right thing. So they end up in a small denomination still holds to the Reformed faith.

In both of these generalizations—based on many similar cases we’ve seen over the past 40 years—the influence of the wife is crucial. For this reason I would urge the elders of our churches to be alert to this concern. Elders—the guardians of the church’s well-being—should be much more involved, than has been customary in the past, in the preparation of young men for the ministry. They should always be on watch for promising young who appear to have the gifts needed in the ministry. When they do discern such young men they can hardly do them (and the church) a greater service than to help them tread wisely the path to marriage.

Sessions need to understand what a weighty responsibility it is to recommend young men for the ministry. Too often, I’m afraid, Sessions have recommended men for Seminary training in the hope that the Semi nary might be able to help them become what they are not. Sometimes this hoping against hope concerns the young man’s wife even though, for the present, it is clear that she would be more of a hindrance than a help. What Sessions need to face quite honestly, in such cases, is the need for direct confrontation. If both the young man—and his wife—were brought to face up to the fact that in their present state the ministry would be disastrous for them and for the church, then one of two things would happen. Either they would show that they do have the foundational things (by making some radical changes), or they would be forced to see that this must not be their calling. And either way it would be far better for them—and for the church—than what has too often happened.

The inimitable Charles Spurgeon had this to say about marriage. “Let me admonish you young people not to be unequally yoked together. Marriage without the fear of God is a fearful mistake. Those ill-assorted unions between believers and unbelievers rob our churches of more members than any other popular delinquency I know of...You had far better remain in the cold of your bachelor or spinster life than warm your hands at the fire of unhallowed marriage.” These words were spoken a hundred year ago, and of course they were not spoken with special reference to those seeking the ministry. Every experienced pastor knows how much the church today has been weakened by marital problems. But the damage is multiplied many times over when it encumbers the ministerial office. After all, there is such a thing as teaching by example. And it is right here that the pastor’s wife has a unique opportunity. If she willingly fulfills her God-ordained role before the congregation, she will help to provide a role model that will impact the lives of many.

“He who finds a wife—(and here I take the word wife to mean a wife indeed)—finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22). May the Lord grant this wisdom to the future ministers of the OPC.