How Important is Faithful Family Visitation?
Dick G. Vanderpyl
Extracted from Ordained Servant vol. 8, no. 2, pp. 32-35
The question—and hence the purpose of this article—is: “How important is faithful family visitation for the well-being of the church?” The answer is: It’s very important!
The RCNZ in the ’50s
In the early fifties young migrants from The Netherlands settled in New Zealand, with their membership certificates in their pockets from their home churches. They were cautioned to seek churches that faithfully contended for the truth of God’s Word. Hence, most of them were somewhat reluctant to hand over their credentials at the first “port of call.” They floated around from one job to another. And it was much the same with the churches also. Their English was not the best at the time, and so—as they met one another in coffee bars or boarding houses—they talked of their experiences in their new culture, and of how they fared on the Lord’s Day.
I was twenty-five at the time and I was searching for a true and faithful church, comparable to what I had left behind in the home country. I was advised to make contact with a local Presbyterian Church, which I did. But I soon found out that the elderly pastor was not only a freethinker but also a member of the local Freemason Lodge. His wife regularly 'worshipped' at the Higher Thought Temple in town. (Others had similar experiences). In corresponding with my pastor of my hometown in Holland I was reminded by him to read again Article 29 of the Belgic Confession, which spells out clearly the marks of the true Church and wherein the true Church differs from the false one.
In the end we had no option but to establish our Reformed Churches. We began with three churches in the main cities (Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch); with young pastors, young members, and hence a young inexperienced session, but…we were full of zeal. As a young and inexperienced office-bearer, my pastor accompanied me on the first few home-visits. I vividly remember my first evening with a newly married couple. My expectations were high; too high! I expected a high level of conversation as we sought a common ground of spiritual growth and experiences. I was quite disappointed, to say the least, and expressed this in my report to session. However, my experienced pastor played this down somewhat, advising me later (in private) that human nature being what it is, it is not often that there is a willingness to expose one’s spiritual emotions, and that one should read between the lines, so to speak. Another time, while visiting a young family, I dawdled a bit at the beginning, talking about the weather, the husband's work, and so on. Then he suddenly burst out, “Please, get on with the home-visit; I've still got some work to do.” There and then I made a silent oath, never ever to allow this to happen again but instead—after a brief time of getting the feel and atmosphere of the home—to get into the conversation for which I had come. In the main, I have stuck to that decision throughout my life.
Young elders as we were, we had to learn and grow up fast, and as we did so we realised more and more the value of family visitation. In the Old Testament the understanding of “elder” was “the bearded one,” which indicated the age and wisdom needed to lead. We did not have the wisdom of years but commenced our journey in life on a long and arduous road of spiritual growth and sanctification.
Important for the Family
Family visitation has proved to be beneficial to families and individuals, to the office-bearers in their oversight, and certainly also to the church as a whole. From a family’s point of view there certainly are definite benefits. The majority of them look forward to such a visit and some even have a checklist of questions in relation to problems in the home or church life. Of course there are those who clam up and let the elders do the talking. But many are willing to expose themselves to trusted elders and seek advice in marital and/or family problems, e.g. with their children, wayward or otherwise. They may also have problems in relation to the preaching, education, youth-work or even strife with others in the church community. Anything goes! And such visits can become highlights in the life of the family and church community when joys and pains can be shared and prayed for.
Office-bearers ought to be willing to expose themselves in their own struggles at times. There is no need to pretend that, because they are spiritual leaders, they are immune to the wiles of the devil. Their task includes comfort and instruction, warning and admonition, an opening of the Scriptures and a time of prayer with the family. A most important matter for the elders is not to neglect visits to the sick and those who are bereaved. As a church, we are one body in Christ, and we are reminded that if one member suffers all the members suffer with him or her (or if one member is honoured, all the members will rejoice with that one). Elders must at all times be on the alert lest members drift away from the church. This becomes a greater possibility if the responsible elder does not keep his finger on the pulse of their lives via home visits.
Important for the Church
From the above you can see how important faithful family visitation is for the family; but it is also vital for the church. Beginning with the New Testament Church mutual encouragement, following the pattern of Christ’s humility, was to be practised by all (cf. Philippians 2 and Hebrews 10:25). And then, in Acts 20:28 we read Paul’s exhortation to the elders to be faithful shepherds of Christ’s Flock and giving them specific and detailed charges how to care for the flock. You will remember that Jesus had charged Peter to feed His sheep on His behalf. Further on we read that Peter also passed this charge on to his fellow-elders: “Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving as overseers—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money (power?), but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but by being examples to the flock” (1 Peter 5:2-4). Here, Peter stressed the need for the right kind of leadership; not a domineering one, but one by example and instruction. Note also the reward of the unfading crown (wreath) of glory given by the Lord Jesus, the Chief-shepherd to His faithful under-shepherds.
Elders are called, therefore, to be spiritual watchmen, posted on the walls of Christ’s Church, never to be silent day or night (Isaiah 62:6). Never ever were they intended to be Board managers. Jeremiah warns them to listen when the trumpet of warning is sounded (6:17). So does Ezekiel when he warns his watchmen to be on guard, to be on duty at all times, to warn the wicked and the unrighteous to turn away from their evil ways, as they are accountable to the Lord. That’s how vital to the well-being of Christ’s church this is.
The Belgic Confession of Faith, one of our Confessional Standards, tells us that all things—and that certainly includes the family also—must be managed according to the pure Word of God, all things contrary thereto rejected, and Jesus Christ acknowledged as the only Head of the Church. Faithful family visitation therefore is a must, an obligation, because it does affect the well being of the “true church of Christ” Think of Paul’s description of the Church as one body, a unit, but made up of many parts (1 Cor. 12:12), inter-dependent on each other.
The Purpose of Family Visitation
What then, in general terms, is the real purpose of family visitation by the elders of the church?
One of the many Church Orders states that “pastoral calls shall be exercised over all the members of the congregation. The minister of the Word and the elders shall conduct annual home visitation, and faithfully visit the sick, the distressed, the shut-ins, and the erring. They shall encourage the members to live by faith, comfort them in adversity, and warn them against errors in doctrine and life.” This same Church Order also defines the task of the elders:
They shall have supervision over the congregation—and their fellow office-bearers—exercising admonition and discipline and seeing to it that everything is done decently and in order. They shall, together with the minister, exercise pastoral care over the congregation.
What more can we add to it! Faithful family (home) visitation is important for the well being of the body of Christ. At such visits the family’s relationship to God and His Church are talked about; in particular it may stress such matters as Bible reading and prayer, growth in grace, Christian witnessing in their community and how to make the Sunday, as the Lord’s Day, more meaningful. (There are a goodly number of directives available to stimulate fruitful conversations. A wise elder will avail himself of such guides to lead a structured conversation satisfying both elder-visitor and the family). There is nothing worse than an empty casual conversation, which will neither satisfy the elder nor the visiting family and hence be a dishonour to the Lord! Its purpose, as an official family visit, is to measure the spiritual health of the members of the congregation. Do they stay close to the Word of God? Is there growth in faith, hope and love? Is there growth in their service to God and faithfulness in doing good? Are the straying ones being admonished, the backsliders encouraged? Thus the heart and lifestyle of its members may gauge the well being of the church. Family visitation is therefore a valuable resource of oversight and will also affect the minister’s preaching.
With faithful home/family visitations sessions will know how the church lives at the grass-roots level. It’s a way to find the needs in the congregation; it’s a barometer of the spiritual (growth) level. It helps pastors in their ministry of the Word. Both sides in the visitation are therefore enabled to encourage one another and certainly never to be a “one way” dialogue. Both parties ought to feel free to share in their spiritual growth and sanctification.
Initially, in the fifties, the Dutch element in our churches was rather reticent to say the least; there was a holding back, avoiding saying too much, not overly keen to open up, or freely and gladly share their spiritual and marital ups and downs with the office bearers. (And definitely not in the presence of other members of the family.) At that time the elders were no older or more experienced than the average church member. All this has changed as the first generation matured and grew in grace and the knowledge of God’s Word. Gradually we were conditioned by the evangelical world around us and learned to speak more freely about our faith and life in Christ.
Our churches here in New Zealand brought this “tradition” of home-visitation with them in the early fifties, and the trend for such visits is still as strong as it was then. There are and always will be weaknesses in the system. But this is not the fault of the “tradition” but lies mainly in the weakness of elders who are unsure of themselves. who may dodge issues, and who may dawdle more than probe the spirituality and/or who may never have learned the art of listening. While visits are based on an annual sequence, this must and does not stop a concerned elder from calling more than once on a family to help them with godly and practical advice. Members of the church should never hesitate to call upon their elder when there is a particular need. Often, such members will tend to go directly to their pastor. A wise pastor should advise his elder and even ask him to come along, unless of course it is some matter of confidentiality.As a point of interest, home or family visitation definitely does not have its origin from the Low Lands (in the Netherlands). Reputable church historians have found sufficient evidence that such visits were being carried out right after the apostolic era. One of the greatest of the Church Fathers, Augustine, Bishop of Hippo, even had regrets that he had spent so little time in pastoral relationships. After a lapse during the Dark Ages, John Calvin once again introduced family visitation and emphasized its validity, even to the extent that the elders were required in his congregation in Geneva to visit the members prior to the observance of the Lord’s Supper. This meant four visits per year for each family. At the time of the Reformation, Reformed Churches in the Netherlands made the decision that families should be visited once a week to replace the Roman Catholic weekly Confessional.
Of course there will always be objections and words such as inquisitions, or “it’s none of your business” may be heard. (Once a family man was asked how his personal spiritual life was. To which the reply—“Indeed, as you said it, it is personal”—made it quite obvious that he considered this tnone of the church’s business). But fortunately this is very rare
Let me once more emphasize the importance of regular visits to the families in one’s district. Always be well prepared for each individual family and member and their needs. Be a good listener and keep on listening. The Apostle Paul had some good advice: “Be wise in the way you act towards outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Col. 4:5, 6).
And so, if all parties concerned are faithful in their responsibilities, as members of the body of Christ, may we then say with David (to put it in the plural) “One thing we ask of the Lord, this is what we seek: that we may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of our lives, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple” (Ps. 27:4).
Ruling Elder Dick Vanderpyl has served the Church for nearly half a century. He has not only served for many years as a ruling elder but also as the stated clerk of the Reformed Churches of New Zealand. He has also represented his New Zealand denomination at the Reformed Ecumenical Synod, and more recently at The International Conference of Reformed Churches.