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January 2016 New Horizons

The Church and Singles

 

Contents

The Church and Singles

Contentment in Singleness

Parental Dating Guidance

Internet Dating

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The Church and Singles

This is the first thing that the church needs to say to singles, repeating words of the apostle Paul: “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am” (1 Cor. 7:8). Certainly marriage is an honorable estate, and, as Paul puts it, “if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Cor. 7:9). Marriage is a fine thing, but “finding a spouse” should not be the focus of how singles function in the life of the church. Notice how we said that: “how singles function in the life of the church”— not how “we” should incorporate singles into the life of the church (as though singles were somehow outsiders who need to be “brought in”). At the same time, it is appropriate to talk about the church’s ministry to singles—just as we talk about the church’s ministry to those who are married. The purpose of ministry to singles in the church is to equip and strengthen them in ... Read more

Contentment in Singleness

What does a Christian woman do if she never marries, despite legitimate aspirations for a husband? What if you have prayed and tried to marry, only to find the door providentially closed? How does the Christian bachelor, with his share of rejections, continue to rejoice in the Lord always? What if you once were married, but tragedy brought an unexpected divorce or widowhood? Now you find yourself alone (maybe with children). Does God really expect you to be content? Some people do choose singleness, but many times singleness chooses you without your permission. Jesus reminds us that while some are eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom, many remain unmarried as a by-product of the fallen human condition (Matt. 19:12). Congenital disorders, unfaithful spouses, same-sex attraction problems, premature death, war, disease, paucity of like-minded believers, and “bad luck” all complicate and exacerbate the matter. Yet through, above, and against all the secondary causes of singleness, the sovereign hand of ... Read more

Parental Dating Guidance

“Don’t worry about finding a wife, Son. I’ll send our servant to my hometown. When he finds a girl who will draw water for him and the camels, he’ll give her jewelry, talk to her parents, and bring her home to your tent. It’s all in the Bible, a perfect plan.” Well, most Christians realize that Abraham’s strategy for locating Isaac’s wife does not constitute a command for us today. But neither does the Bible specify a method of seeking a spouse. So where does that leave us as concerned Christian parents? What should parents tell their kids who are of dating age? In our own youth, Gail’s mother gave us the most dating guidance. Benefiting from her wisdom, we prepped our children similarly. We were unaware of the courtship model, so it was not a consideration. Our intent was to follow general biblical guidance and work out a dating plan for our five children (now adults), with advice from trusted Christians, frequent collaboration between the two of us, and prayer. We share our ... Read more

Internet Dating

Romance isn’t what it used to be. Long ago, it was rare for a man and a women who lived far apart to meet and marry. But with the advent of the Internet, that has changed. You can meet your future spouse on dating sites, even if he or she lives in a different area of the country (or even the world). In fact, over a third of the couples getting married today met online. But as with any venue for meeting one’s future spouse, there is some risk involved with using the Internet, and caution is needed. What, then, are some of the common mistakes to avoid? And what are the proper steps to take, if you look for a future spouse in cyberspace? What follows are some steps that my wife, Stella, and I took in our journey of meeting one another. 1. Trust the Lord. While Internet dating is exciting, it is only going to work if the Lord blesses it. He may lead you to your spouse through, say, eHarmony or Sovereign Grace Singles. Then again, he may not. Either way, you have to trust that he will provide ... Read more

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