The Art of Disagreeing

Gavin Ortlund

Reviewed by: Cheyenne Farr

The Art of Disagreeing: How to Keep Calm and Stay Friends in Hard Conversations, by Gavin Ortlund. The Good Book Company, 2025. Paperback, 96 pages, $12.99. Reviewed by OP member Cheyenne Farr.

In The Art of Disagreeing Gavin Ortlund states that we have lost the ability to disagree well. Christians often do not pursue an understanding of each other in their disagreements, but rather tend toward extremes: on the one hand, rushing in without first contemplating the matter, or, on the other hand, avoiding the situation and any potential hurt. In pointing out that disagreement itself is not the problem, Ortlund refers to C. S. Lewis’s love of disagreeing and how much he valued it. Disagreements are a necessary part of our lives, yet it is possible to disagree well.

While much of what Ortlund says seems like common knowledge, his insights are something we should reflect on. It is easy to read through the book and think, “Oh, I know that,” and “Yes, I know that too.” But when we are in the midst of an argument, do we really take the time to step back and think through the way in which we are disagreeing? Do we think about our heart attitudes?

Ortlund asks questions that require reflection and prayer. What builds up the other person? What can I learn through this disagreement? Our desire should be to win the person more than to win the argument. Simply put, we too often put ourselves and our desires above the people to whom we talk. As Christ followers, we should model the gospel toward those we may (continue to) disagree with.

Ortlund’s encouragement and insights center around five things: kindness, courage, listening, persuasion, and love. Speaking wisely, listening well, and, through it all, honoring God are what we are called to do even when disagreeing. Praying for those with whom we disagree helps our own hearts. Both choosing to speak and choosing not to speak require gospel courage, for only through the gospel can we be kind and discerning in our disagreements without being disagreeable.

This book, short enough to be read in one sitting, is practical and necessary in an age in which social media makes disagreements more public and prevalent. Ortlund delivers powerful and wise applications to assert that it is not disagreeing that is the problem, it is how we do so. In his conclusion, he argues that we must treat one another with love, for “when we love other Christians, we make the gospel more credible in the eyes of the world” (91).